cold cold heart

her eyes are watering as she screams out in frustration. why can't you love me? are you not capable of loving? i have opened up to you and you, you, you just have this wall around you... let me in...

i wish i could tell her. i wish i could tell her that i could never love her because my heart won't let me. i keep trying. i keep hoping. maybe just maybe with time i will start feeling something. but at this point, there is no hope. there is nothing. i feel empty. i just want to be alone...

i recall a dream. a day dream of happily ever after. two people so in love with one another... the world disappears around them and nothing else matters...

i dreamt of a princess. but that was long ago... now i dream of feeling nothing, no pain, no anger...

i wish i could just tell her... you were never the one i dreamt about. you were never the one that i wanted to share my life with... and i am afraid, there may be no one that i want to share my life with...

i don't say a word. i want to hug her and tell her that it will all be okay. but then, i know my hug means nothing... so i just turn and walk out the door once again... never meaning to return... though i never say a word, i know she will be better off without me. i pray that she finds what she is looking for... i know it isn't me...

as i walk out the door of the apartment building, something makes me look up... what i see is an angel, an angel falling from the sky. wait, that is no angel, it's the girl i just left behind.

a broken neck is what ended it all. a ninety some pound girl breaks my neck as she fell from a five story building... i guess she must have jumped wanting to end her life. her life didn't end. she is fine as my neck and body broke her fall. she found a new love of her life at the hospital, a doctor... while my body sits cold in a mortuary.

dream is a wish our heart makes...

i had a dream last night... i was out at sea in this small boat...

and i saw this woman... a beautiful girl... who was drowning, and i wanted to help her, i wanted to save her...

i looked around and saw a piece of rope nearby, so i tossed it out to her...

and i pulled and pulled... thinking maybe god has sent me the girl of my dreams... and i prayed to god please let me be her knight in shining armour and save her...

in the hind sight, maybe i should have explained it to her to tie the rope around her waist not to her neck....

anyway, so i dumped the body back in the water and acted like i saw nothing...