i keep getting on my blog hoping i would have something to write, something to say... but then i always end up staring into the blank screen...
i have been quitely living my life and in some ways, i feel a great deal of comfort in what some may consider a lifeless existence. i have nothing to be pride of, yet i am not ashamed of anything either. i feel that my life is pretty plain...
i have accepted certain things and i feel free because of it.
i have accpeted that i don't have anything to prove to anyone, and that i am not such a special person after all, even though others have tried so hard to convince me that i am special like everyone else. my therapist called it having a good self-esteem. the fact is, i see nothing especially good or bad about me. but, i think realizing that and knowing that it is still life worth living is really about the wisest thing i can do, not to believe that i am better than others by lying to myself...
i really don't have any more dreams and hopes for myself, but i do have some kindness that i can offer others, and really that is all i have left now...
i have been reading this book by victor hugo called toilers of the sea. whether it was my choice or not, i have become an isolated person, like the character in the book, but i still want to be a kind and gentle person that are willing to go out of my way to help others in need....
