god delusion

is there a god?

if god answers your prayers, how come all lottery winners are not christians?

if god is omniscient, what is point of praying? god already knows all things present and future, and because he already knows everything (what is going to happen), there is no way you can change his mind whether you pray or not... if he was going to change his mind, he would have known it already and it is not really changing his mind because he already knew he would...

why do so many innocent people die for no good reason? and if god is willing to let it happen, do i want to love a god who doesn't love me back enough to protect me from these bad things?

some say all those bad things may have good consequences that i don't know about. of course, you can always look at the sunny side of life, and you don't need god for that.

i went to a midnight mass christmas eve and had breakfast with monks. i have a deep respect for the clergy, however, that does not mean i have faith in anything... i am driven by two things... logic and love. logic, because i don't want to believe in things that are false... love, because without it, i don't see a point of human life...

i don't believe i can be a better person because of belief in god. i want to be a better person because i love others and i want others to love me...

cold cold heart

her eyes are watering as she screams out in frustration. why can't you love me? are you not capable of loving? i have opened up to you and you, you, you just have this wall around you... let me in...

i wish i could tell her. i wish i could tell her that i could never love her because my heart won't let me. i keep trying. i keep hoping. maybe just maybe with time i will start feeling something. but at this point, there is no hope. there is nothing. i feel empty. i just want to be alone...

i recall a dream. a day dream of happily ever after. two people so in love with one another... the world disappears around them and nothing else matters...

i dreamt of a princess. but that was long ago... now i dream of feeling nothing, no pain, no anger...

i wish i could just tell her... you were never the one i dreamt about. you were never the one that i wanted to share my life with... and i am afraid, there may be no one that i want to share my life with...

i don't say a word. i want to hug her and tell her that it will all be okay. but then, i know my hug means nothing... so i just turn and walk out the door once again... never meaning to return... though i never say a word, i know she will be better off without me. i pray that she finds what she is looking for... i know it isn't me...

as i walk out the door of the apartment building, something makes me look up... what i see is an angel, an angel falling from the sky. wait, that is no angel, it's the girl i just left behind.

a broken neck is what ended it all. a ninety some pound girl breaks my neck as she fell from a five story building... i guess she must have jumped wanting to end her life. her life didn't end. she is fine as my neck and body broke her fall. she found a new love of her life at the hospital, a doctor... while my body sits cold in a mortuary.

dream is a wish our heart makes...

i had a dream last night... i was out at sea in this small boat...

and i saw this woman... a beautiful girl... who was drowning, and i wanted to help her, i wanted to save her...

i looked around and saw a piece of rope nearby, so i tossed it out to her...

and i pulled and pulled... thinking maybe god has sent me the girl of my dreams... and i prayed to god please let me be her knight in shining armour and save her...

in the hind sight, maybe i should have explained it to her to tie the rope around her waist not to her neck....

anyway, so i dumped the body back in the water and acted like i saw nothing...